Why it is important not to diminish or poison the minds of your children towards your spouse who is also their parent by Chukwuneta Oby

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" I caught up with my brother over the weekend. It was a disturbed man that I was talking to all through our time together. According to him,he's been having issues with his wife. He attributes the sudden change in her attitude to her brother( in Malaysia) who has made so much money and "spoiling" his siblings silly. According to him,the word of this his in-law is LAW in his household. He said that nothing he brings home is enough again. I told him that it could be just the regular husband and wife squabbles but his next words caught me off guard. He said "What about the children that she influences to become HOSTILE towards me each time we have issues?" According to him,the body language of their young son is like that of who just can't wait to grow up and FIGHT the father. This broke my heart because these are children that this man NEVER jokes with. We used to joke that he takes care of children more than a female! They have been married for close to 16 years now and the wife has NEVER worked for one day...since she came into that marriage. Why is it so easy to forget all the sacrifices? A few days back,a commotion broke out in a house in the neighborhood. People that intervened said that it was a fight between husband and wife. But what they found reprehensible is that the couple's son ( who is barely 11 years old) was boxing his father,also. Miffed by that,they said that they didn't care what caused the quarrel and focused on setting the boy straight...verbally. It was also recalled that another neighbour has a teenage son (his eldest...about the same age who "puts hand" to fight the father whenever his parents are quarreling. Dear wives... This SHOULD NOT be encouraged! When you encourage any VICES in a child,it eventually gets out of hand and comes back to bite YOU. Something happened when I was younger. My father had denied me a request (something I knew he could easily do,if he wanted to) and I became very bitter about it. And started making rude comments about him to my mother. What my mother did? She discouraged me with these words "don't say that again. Okwa oyi gi nwoke? (...is he not your boyfriend again?). She may not have realized it but those words reminded me of the FRIEND I have in my father but most importantly...the ROLE MODEL that I have in my mother. The average Nigerian WIFE ( home and abroad) is PETTY and very quick to use the children as a WEAPON against the other parent. But here is what you should realize... Once the mind of a child has been poisoned towards a parent (who loves them),something in the child becomes damaged. And the result is them seeking a certain "emotional succour" out there. God help you if they end up in the wrong hands! It doesn't make them grow closer to you because the average child sees both parents as ONE. So,if the faith they have in one is tainted,the faith they have in the other becomes AFFECTED too. It's the reason most children would tell an outsider ( a friend,another parent, teacher,etc) what they won't tell you,despite their supposed closeness to you. They begin to look out there for "a home". And it doesn't matter how "unwholesome" it comes to them. ...there's something they are ESCAPING from,at home. Please,think about this the next time you are tempted to DEAL WITH a spouse by turning the children ( who probably ADORE them) against them. It is something in the child that YOU are BREAKING. A parent is a god to a child. Let us develop the MATURITY to keep the children out of our issues. Dear husbands... Children KNOW more than we can ever imagine, when it comes to your relationship with their mother. And no matter how much they adore you or how good you are to them,it is NOT likely that you will not end up with a RESENTFUL child in your hands,if you keep treating their mother badly. When it comes to mummy and daddy...children know who is who and what is what. So,let it not be taken for granted that being a great dad can NOT be divorced from how you treat their mother. I know that the times are brutal on marriages but as much as possible...KEEP THE CHILDREN OUT OF YOUR ISSUES. Your spouse has issues with ONLY you. Resist the urge to DIMINISH someone before a child that calls them "mummy or daddy". It is the child that you are hurting more! Parenting is NOT a competition to curry the children's love. Leave whatever relationship they share with the other parent intact,despite your differences. It is a CUSHION to their emotions( mental health) in our ever challenging world. When tempted to play DIRTY...always think of the child ,to whom mummy or daddy is a god!Copied from https://www.facebook.com/chukwuneta.oby

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