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Discourse about emotional disconnectedness cannot be exhaustive without considering the concept of emotional bank account. This was brilliantly defined by the legendary author of the book entitled, “Seven habits of highly effective people,” Stephen R. Covey, as ‘a metaphor that describes the amount of trust that has been built up in any relationship. It is the feeling of safeness you have with another human being. This concept operates in our relationships and it is the most fundamental concept in handling emotional disconnectedness. Most of us hardly ever perceive interpersonal relationships in the context of deposit or withdrawal to the emotional bank account that underlines all of human relationships. If I make deposits into the emotional bank account of persons I am in a relationship with through courtesy, kindness, honesty and keeping my commitments to them, I build a reserve. ADVERTISEMENTThe trust towards me becomes higher, and I can call upon that trust level such that the emot...

The term ‘man’ is usually reserved for an adult male of the human species; while the term ‘manhood’ is used to describe the period after he has transitioned from boyhood, having attained male secondary sexual characteristics that symbolise his coming of age. Masculinity may vary in different cultures, but it has universal principles across cultures. Sometimes, gender scholars use the phrase ‘hegemonic masculinity’ to establish this universal concept. Masculinity embodies assertiveness, responsibility, selflessness, ethics, sincerity and respect. Masculinity itself has social status that has strong associations with physical and moral strength. The biological inputs through hormones induce the masculinisation process that redirects the biological processes from the default female route. In many cultures, displaying characteristics not typical to one’s gender may become a social problem for the individual. However, labelling and conditioning are based on gender assumptions as part of ...

In my last article ‘Success is 80 per cent psychology’; I stated the fact that “Poverty is a mindset, not the state of your wallet, bank account or finances” and used the ‘be – do – have’ model to illustrate. Based on feedback and request for further clarification, I will focus on the poverty mindset in this article. I am not surprised at the questions as it took me a while to gain this understanding. For most of my adult years, I believed that poverty had to do with lack of money and the solution was of course more money. I came to realise that more money did not solve the problem. If I did not change my money management philosophy, I would end up trapped in the rat race, repeating what I saw people around me doing. You are not broke because you don’t have money. You are broke because of the poor choices you made when money comes into your hands. The way you currently manage your finances is not the only way. There are other ways, and you have the power to choose We are creatures o...

Hope is defined as the belief or expectation that something wished for will happen. This attitude of mind connects us to the future and keeps the activities of life focused on future goals in a way that invigorates life. However, the accruable state of mind can experience setbacks and at times total breakdown when the future seems bleak and hopeless, especially when certain permutations, forecasts and projections coming from the news media spell doom. This has serious implications for the mental health, according to Aaron Beck in his explanation for cognitive distortions. He is of the opinion that human minds operate according to certain cognitive templates, such that when they malfunction, can lead to depressive illness which is a very common disorder. My basic deduction here is that our moods are a product of our thoughts. What our thoughts dwell on will invariably dictate the tone of our mood. Hope is in the future and a little distant, apart from it being very vulnerable to disi...

Many times, people ask me what they need to do to write well. Even though there are many things one needs to do to be able to write well, there is one among them that is fundamental. And that is: “If you want to write well, read novels, and more novels.” It is as simple as that. Other types of books are good. Magazines, newspapers and journals are also good. But if you want to write in a compelling manner; if you want your readers to read your works from start to finish; if you want to hold your audience captive; if you want to entertain your audience rather than just educate them and bore them stiff, the solution is simple: Read novels. And what type of novels are we talking about? Any type of novel would do. Any novel that agrees with your spirit. Any novel that has an interesting story. Any novel that can hold you captive. Read as many as possible. Read them all the time. Soak yourself in the narrative. In a couple of years, you will see the impact. Why is novel-reading this magi...

This is coming at a time when Nigerians are exporting religion and superstitions to the rest of the world; when our so called "men of God" assert that the cures for diseases are to be found in prayer houses rather than laboratories; when our universities have become the birthing places of pastors and imams; when we have become accustomed to pastors making extraordinary claims such as driving cars on empty tanks and resurrecting the dead; when the medieval belief in witchcraft and the practice of witch-hunting are ever so pervasive; when jihadists are engaged in a campaign of terror to spread sharia. I can go on and on. A university is a place of enquiry and enlightenment but every year, impressionable young minds arrive on our university campuses hoping to be nurtured in the art and science of enquiry, the tool by which all progressive societies have advanced themselves; but instead, a great percentage of their university time is taken up by religious activities such as pra...

The dictionary defines materialism as a preoccupation with material objects, comfort and consideration to the exclusion of spiritual, intellectual or cultural values crucial for wholesome living. This malady manifests itself in a subtle way in our modern lives as clutter which builds up as we collect things for a number of reasons – for use later, sentimental reasons and so much could be spent in acquiring it even if we may never get to use it since it is possible that after buying it, we discovered it is not vitally relevant to our lives. However, it may really hurt us deeply to give it away because the two areas in the brain associated with pain light up in response to discarding clutter. The brain views the loss of such valued possessions as the same that causes physical pain. This psychological connection to things unconsciously leads to accumulation of stuffs, whether it is in the closet, office desk and in the surroundings capable of inducing negative impact on ability to focus...